I really enjoyed reading your introduction! Throughout the story I was curious as to where it was going to end, but the cliffhanger really got me. It definitely makes me want to return in the future to read more of your stories. I also like how you describe the animals and the setting of the forest. Descriptions of the surroundings is an easy way to add a lot to stories. I know that Anthony is an adventurous boy that explores nature a lot, but I was wondering why he wouldn’t bring a compass just in case of an emergency. In the past has he found that using compasses does not give him enough of a thrill like using natural landmarks does? Like I mentioned early, I really liked where you took the story. What if you provided some foreshadowing into what we can expect for the rest of the storybook? I assume that the storybook will cover his adventures of Anthony trying to get home, but providing a base as to what to expect would be beneficial! Great introduction and I look forward to reading more.
I really liked the visualization you used for your story! It made me imagine the forest that was behind my own house as a kid and the forest even had a stream there as well. I know exactly how your character is feeling with his curiosity taking control of him. Anthony knows a lot about the forest but seems to get lost out of nowhere. I understand that he went out of the normal place that he usually goes to but it felt like he just ended up being lost. I think if you added a bit more of his walking and how he started to slowly realize he didn't recognize somethings it might help. I also really like the way you ended the introduction because an introduction is supposed to get the reader hooked and that's exactly what it did to me. I think you missed a comma in one of your sentences but otherwise from that I really enjoyed the story!
Hi Katlyn! I must say I'm really digging your vibe as far as where you are wanting to go with this story. Just to kind of help you out a little bit, I did notice multiple sentence fragmenting. You may want to consider combining the details from the small sentences into others or just create a smoother flow. Also, I felt as though it may need to have the attention grabbing effect sooner than at the direct ending. Maybe start your climax sooner? Lastly, I feel as though it would be very beneficial to include slightly more detail into what the boy was seeing when he stepped into the clearing of the forest. This could be done by just adding onomatopoeias to give the audience the sense of actually being right there in the moment with Anthony. This would allow us to really delve into the story line and absolutely continue reading.
Hi, Katlyn! First off, I really like the pictures you have chosen for your blog posts so far! Second, I also really like the idea you are going for with this project. I think that you have picked a great story theme and that you are headed in a great direction with how you want your stories to be told. I do agree with Crystal that you might want to think about combining some of the details from smaller sentences to create a more flowy feeling, and to cut away some of the excess wording. Also, I agree with Crystal that you might want to have something that really grabs the readers attention right at the beginning of your story instead of at the end. It is completely okay to have a cliff hanger, but you need to make sure that you have something to give the readers something to look forward to as well. I would also suggest to watch your grammar and punctuation as there seems to be some misuse and some punctuation missing throughout your stories. There are definitely plenty of websites that can help you with that if you are not too sure about your punctuation! Overall, I really like the idea you are going for, and I think it can turn out to be something amazing! Good luck with this semester, and I look forward to reading more from you!
Hi Katlyn! i am really enjoying your story and your project's theme so far. Those pictures you have chosen appear imposing with the forest scene. I also love the picture which depicts the boy climbing the tree. It is so consistent with the text, and therefore helps me to imaginate clearly the setting of the forest. I understand that Anthony, who born and growth surrounding the forest, doesn't skeptical to explore new things. However, it would be better if beside of curiosity , Anthony appears kind of afraid of the beast, logically. It would be better if more emotional tension are delineated. I am also wonder what kind of the beast doesn't harm people for the first time, but just touches Anthony and pushes his shoulder? Are there any secret about the relationship between Anthony and the beast that are not revealed yet? Maybe, i will look for this in you next story. Thanks Katlyn, i am very much enjoying this.
Hey Katlyn, I liked reading your introduction story to Discovering the Lost. I like how you came up with a creative story and the plot surrounding it. I especially liked the character of Anthony and how adventurous he is and how he is able to distinguish his surroundings even apart from home. I like how you created this character because he reminds me of my younger self and wanting to explore and venture out into a new environment. I was wondering if his parents actually began to worry about him being missing because you mentioned in your story that his parents never worry and you also mentioned that Anthony began to explore an area that he is unfamiliar with. I figured that they would start trying to look for him since he could be in danger. Also, I wanted to know if you ever intend on Anthony returning home after his encounter with the beast? The ending of the story did not state if he made it back home so I would like to know if you want him to go back. I think you should touch on those questions in the story for me to get a better understanding of how he is able to overcome witnessing the beast and if his parents could find him if they begin to worry about his whereabouts. Overall, I think you are on the right track and are covering the Bigfoot story well.
Hey Katlyn, let me begin by saying you have me as a reader for good now. The last sentence of your story has me hooked. The way you started your story could not be any better as it grabbed my attention and interest in a very personable way. Immediately, I was thrown into Anthony's world. I feel as though your story dwindled down near the end though. I was not as engaged and the plot felt forced into the story rather then allowing it to naturally flow. I was very excited when that last line hit me though because I can not wait to see where the next story leads us!
Hi, Katlyn! You really know how to keep the reader wanting more, so nice work on using cliff hangers throughout your story book. Also, I just adore your title of "Discovering the Lost" because its mysterious and endearing. Your home page did a great job in explaining the overall storyline but left enough out for you to fill in some pretty big blanks. I wish that big foot and Anthony had not parted so that Anthony could build his trust to then expose him, so I am truly looking forward to see which direction this goes.
Hello Katlyn, I really enjoyed your story so far about Bigfoot. I actually love stories about Bigfoot and was actually going to write about him myself, but I decided to do the portfolio last second. I really like the direction that you are taking the story so far. The introduction was a great intro to the story, it really built up the suspense for the meeting of Bigfoot. For the first real section of the story, I really liked the way the story was told. Having Bigfoot being nice and wanting to play with Anthony was a really cool take on Bigfoot. Also I really enjoyed how you gave Bigfoot the ability to talk simple words like “no.” This reminded me of Planet of the Apes when Caesar first yelled out “No.” I am excited to see what happened next in your story. I wonder if there are any more Bigfoot’s or if there’s just the one. Overall I thought the story was wonderful so far, keep it up!
Hi Katlyn, I really enjoy that you decided to write your Storybook on finding Bigfoot, and especially through a little boy. There is definitely an innocent factor in that a child finds him rather than an adult, as Bigfoot had said himself I feel that an adult would have wanted to catch him and hurt him, while little Anthony was just amazed at his discovery and thought about it in a good light (Bigfoot could become famous!). There was only one part in your two stories that I wanted to speak about. For the Introduction in the last paragraph, "He sees an area which he believes to be his home. But it is not the only thing he sees... curious, Anthony..." I feel that the "sees... curious" part is weird and there should be a new sentence starting with "Curious,". Combine "He sees an area..." with a comma and continue it with "but it is not..." and I believe it should flow better! Other than that, I really enjoyed what you had so far and I can't wait to see what else it brings!
Hey Katlyn! I just wanted to first say how much I really really liked the images that you used! I am a huge fan of greenery and wilderness so they definitely did a bit of invoking my passions and interests before even reading the story. Additionally, they did a great job giving me an idea of what the story will be discussing and where it is taking place. Your description and words along with the images did a great job of painting a picture of what kind of landscape he is dealing with which is also a good way to set the story up for how he is feeling and what he is thinking! I also really liked the cliff hangers that you give us, they keep me on my toes and I can't wait to read what will happen next! Great job and I can't wait to read more!
Hi Katelyn I just went through your site and I really liked the images you used. They were so inviting and lively. Your titles were also good and caught my attention. I enjoyed reading your introduction. You were able to give a description of what was going to be ahead without telling the actual plots. I like your writing style and the way you used the effect of building up some suspense. It might be a good idea to start out with this same concept or maybe develop the unfolding of events a little sooner but it was overall still good!n You also did great with descriptions because I could really picture what you were writing about. I am looking forward to reading some more of your stories!
Hey Katlyn! I just read through your storybook and I think you chose a great plot line to follow. I liked the idea of a boy being able to go into his "backyard" and find mythical creatures that interact with him in a positive way. While you did an excellent job of telling the reader what each character is doing and why they do it, I feel like the stories miss a little bit of detail. I feel like the Introduction would benefit from a paragraph describing Anthony's features and tendencies. As I read through the stories I always kept thinking that I only knew of Anthony, and never felt like I truly understood the character. I think a little more character development would create more interest in his actions in each story. Besides that the only other suggestion I would make would be to add a picture to a couple of the stories that only have one. I really liked how you had the pictures to the side of the text! I think giving just a couple more visuals for the readers would give some body to the last two stories.
Hi Katlyn! I read all of the stories from your storybook project. I enjoyed them very much! Your introduction made me want to keep reading since it left me in suspense at the end. I really wanted to find out what Anthony saw! I am glad I kept reading, as I was surprised that Anthony had seen Bigfoot. Anthony’s fear and shock in the situation is made quite clear, and it is definitely the kind of reaction I would expect. I was surprised again by how playful Bigfoot seemed. I thought it was really cute how Bigfoot reacted to Anthony at first. I thought the inclusion of a Centaur in the next story was really cool. I really liked how you wrote all of the characters. I found myself caring about them soon after meeting them. Your descriptions in the story made it easy to visualize what was going on as well. Overall, I think this story was written great. Good job!
Hi Katlyn! I got to read all of your stories and I really liked them! This was my first finished storybook to read so I was excited. You definitely did not disappoint. I understand where Anthony was coming from - you can't keep all that excitement to yourself! The ending made me so sad though. I was sad that he had to die and I really felt how Anthony was feeling. He really did not mean for that to happen, he just wanted everyone to know what a cool place they lived at. Overall, this was written really well! I hope you keep up your writing - you are so good at it!
I really enjoyed reading your introduction! Throughout the story I was curious as to where it was going to end, but the cliffhanger really got me. It definitely makes me want to return in the future to read more of your stories. I also like how you describe the animals and the setting of the forest. Descriptions of the surroundings is an easy way to add a lot to stories. I know that Anthony is an adventurous boy that explores nature a lot, but I was wondering why he wouldn’t bring a compass just in case of an emergency. In the past has he found that using compasses does not give him enough of a thrill like using natural landmarks does? Like I mentioned early, I really liked where you took the story. What if you provided some foreshadowing into what we can expect for the rest of the storybook? I assume that the storybook will cover his adventures of Anthony trying to get home, but providing a base as to what to expect would be beneficial! Great introduction and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the visualization you used for your story! It made me imagine the forest that was behind my own house as a kid and the forest even had a stream there as well. I know exactly how your character is feeling with his curiosity taking control of him. Anthony knows a lot about the forest but seems to get lost out of nowhere. I understand that he went out of the normal place that he usually goes to but it felt like he just ended up being lost. I think if you added a bit more of his walking and how he started to slowly realize he didn't recognize somethings it might help. I also really like the way you ended the introduction because an introduction is supposed to get the reader hooked and that's exactly what it did to me. I think you missed a comma in one of your sentences but otherwise from that I really enjoyed the story!
ReplyDeleteHi Katlyn! I must say I'm really digging your vibe as far as where you are wanting to go with this story. Just to kind of help you out a little bit, I did notice multiple sentence fragmenting. You may want to consider combining the details from the small sentences into others or just create a smoother flow. Also, I felt as though it may need to have the attention grabbing effect sooner than at the direct ending. Maybe start your climax sooner? Lastly, I feel as though it would be very beneficial to include slightly more detail into what the boy was seeing when he stepped into the clearing of the forest. This could be done by just adding onomatopoeias to give the audience the sense of actually being right there in the moment with Anthony. This would allow us to really delve into the story line and absolutely continue reading.
ReplyDeleteHi, Katlyn! First off, I really like the pictures you have chosen for your blog posts so far! Second, I also really like the idea you are going for with this project. I think that you have picked a great story theme and that you are headed in a great direction with how you want your stories to be told. I do agree with Crystal that you might want to think about combining some of the details from smaller sentences to create a more flowy feeling, and to cut away some of the excess wording. Also, I agree with Crystal that you might want to have something that really grabs the readers attention right at the beginning of your story instead of at the end. It is completely okay to have a cliff hanger, but you need to make sure that you have something to give the readers something to look forward to as well. I would also suggest to watch your grammar and punctuation as there seems to be some misuse and some punctuation missing throughout your stories. There are definitely plenty of websites that can help you with that if you are not too sure about your punctuation! Overall, I really like the idea you are going for, and I think it can turn out to be something amazing! Good luck with this semester, and I look forward to reading more from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Katlyn! i am really enjoying your story and your project's theme so far. Those pictures you have chosen appear imposing with the forest scene. I also love the picture which depicts the boy climbing the tree. It is so consistent with the text, and therefore helps me to imaginate clearly the setting of the forest. I understand that Anthony, who born and growth surrounding the forest, doesn't skeptical to explore new things. However, it would be better if beside of curiosity , Anthony appears kind of afraid of the beast, logically. It would be better if more emotional tension are delineated. I am also wonder what kind of the beast doesn't harm people for the first time, but just touches Anthony and pushes his shoulder? Are there any secret about the relationship between Anthony and the beast that are not revealed yet? Maybe, i will look for this in you next story. Thanks Katlyn, i am very much enjoying this.
ReplyDeleteHey Katlyn, I liked reading your introduction story to Discovering the Lost. I like how you came up with a creative story and the plot surrounding it. I especially liked the character of Anthony and how adventurous he is and how he is able to distinguish his surroundings even apart from home. I like how you created this character because he reminds me of my younger self and wanting to explore and venture out into a new environment. I was wondering if his parents actually began to worry about him being missing because you mentioned in your story that his parents never worry and you also mentioned that Anthony began to explore an area that he is unfamiliar with. I figured that they would start trying to look for him since he could be in danger. Also, I wanted to know if you ever intend on Anthony returning home after his encounter with the beast? The ending of the story did not state if he made it back home so I would like to know if you want him to go back. I think you should touch on those questions in the story for me to get a better understanding of how he is able to overcome witnessing the beast and if his parents could find him if they begin to worry about his whereabouts. Overall, I think you are on the right track and are covering the Bigfoot story well.
ReplyDeleteHey Katlyn, let me begin by saying you have me as a reader for good now. The last sentence of your story has me hooked. The way you started your story could not be any better as it grabbed my attention and interest in a very personable way. Immediately, I was thrown into Anthony's world. I feel as though your story dwindled down near the end though. I was not as engaged and the plot felt forced into the story rather then allowing it to naturally flow. I was very excited when that last line hit me though because I can not wait to see where the next story leads us!
ReplyDeleteHi, Katlyn! You really know how to keep the reader wanting more, so nice work on using cliff hangers throughout your story book. Also, I just adore your title of "Discovering the Lost" because its mysterious and endearing. Your home page did a great job in explaining the overall storyline but left enough out for you to fill in some pretty big blanks. I wish that big foot and Anthony had not parted so that Anthony could build his trust to then expose him, so I am truly looking forward to see which direction this goes.
ReplyDeleteHello Katlyn, I really enjoyed your story so far about Bigfoot. I actually love stories about Bigfoot and was actually going to write about him myself, but I decided to do the portfolio last second. I really like the direction that you are taking the story so far. The introduction was a great intro to the story, it really built up the suspense for the meeting of Bigfoot. For the first real section of the story, I really liked the way the story was told. Having Bigfoot being nice and wanting to play with Anthony was a really cool take on Bigfoot. Also I really enjoyed how you gave Bigfoot the ability to talk simple words like “no.” This reminded me of Planet of the Apes when Caesar first yelled out “No.” I am excited to see what happened next in your story. I wonder if there are any more Bigfoot’s or if there’s just the one. Overall I thought the story was wonderful so far, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi Katlyn, I really enjoy that you decided to write your Storybook on finding Bigfoot, and especially through a little boy. There is definitely an innocent factor in that a child finds him rather than an adult, as Bigfoot had said himself I feel that an adult would have wanted to catch him and hurt him, while little Anthony was just amazed at his discovery and thought about it in a good light (Bigfoot could become famous!).
ReplyDeleteThere was only one part in your two stories that I wanted to speak about. For the Introduction in the last paragraph, "He sees an area which he believes to be his home. But it is not the only thing he sees... curious, Anthony..." I feel that the "sees... curious" part is weird and there should be a new sentence starting with "Curious,". Combine "He sees an area..." with a comma and continue it with "but it is not..." and I believe it should flow better!
Other than that, I really enjoyed what you had so far and I can't wait to see what else it brings!
Hey Katlyn! I just wanted to first say how much I really really liked the images that you used! I am a huge fan of greenery and wilderness so they definitely did a bit of invoking my passions and interests before even reading the story. Additionally, they did a great job giving me an idea of what the story will be discussing and where it is taking place. Your description and words along with the images did a great job of painting a picture of what kind of landscape he is dealing with which is also a good way to set the story up for how he is feeling and what he is thinking! I also really liked the cliff hangers that you give us, they keep me on my toes and I can't wait to read what will happen next! Great job and I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Katelyn I just went through your site and I really liked the images you used. They were so inviting and lively. Your titles were also good and caught my attention. I enjoyed reading your introduction. You were able to give a description of what was going to be ahead without telling the actual plots. I like your writing style and the way you used the effect of building up some suspense. It might be a good idea to start out with this same concept or maybe develop the unfolding of events a little sooner but it was overall still good!n You also did great with descriptions because I could really picture what you were writing about. I am looking forward to reading some more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Katlyn!
ReplyDeleteI just read through your storybook and I think you chose a great plot line to follow. I liked the idea of a boy being able to go into his "backyard" and find mythical creatures that interact with him in a positive way. While you did an excellent job of telling the reader what each character is doing and why they do it, I feel like the stories miss a little bit of detail. I feel like the Introduction would benefit from a paragraph describing Anthony's features and tendencies. As I read through the stories I always kept thinking that I only knew of Anthony, and never felt like I truly understood the character. I think a little more character development would create more interest in his actions in each story. Besides that the only other suggestion I would make would be to add a picture to a couple of the stories that only have one. I really liked how you had the pictures to the side of the text! I think giving just a couple more visuals for the readers would give some body to the last two stories.
Hi Katlyn! I read all of the stories from your storybook project. I enjoyed them very much! Your introduction made me want to keep reading since it left me in suspense at the end. I really wanted to find out what Anthony saw! I am glad I kept reading, as I was surprised that Anthony had seen Bigfoot. Anthony’s fear and shock in the situation is made quite clear, and it is definitely the kind of reaction I would expect. I was surprised again by how playful Bigfoot seemed. I thought it was really cute how Bigfoot reacted to Anthony at first. I thought the inclusion of a Centaur in the next story was really cool. I really liked how you wrote all of the characters. I found myself caring about them soon after meeting them. Your descriptions in the story made it easy to visualize what was going on as well. Overall, I think this story was written great. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Katlyn! I got to read all of your stories and I really liked them! This was my first finished storybook to read so I was excited. You definitely did not disappoint. I understand where Anthony was coming from - you can't keep all that excitement to yourself! The ending made me so sad though. I was sad that he had to die and I really felt how Anthony was feeling. He really did not mean for that to happen, he just wanted everyone to know what a cool place they lived at. Overall, this was written really well! I hope you keep up your writing - you are so good at it!
ReplyDelete